Things I wish I could say in German to my obsessive-compulsive roommates, but instead I just nod and say Ja

You know they say Hitler was impeccably neat.

Way to perpetuate ethnic stereotypes there.

I’ll be in room listening to David Hasselhoff on my headphones if you need to bitch about something else.

You think this kitchen’s dirty, you should see German porn.

Would you like some cheese with that whine? That is German custom no? Oh French? You all look all the same to me.

Sounds like someone needs to watch the Sound of Music again.

You wouldn’t last long on a U-boat

Well I want you to don a lederhosen and sing Rammstein, we don’t all get what we want.

There’s a better way to let that anger out than writing notes on the kitchen door, no?

Sorry, I did nazi those dishes over there

German beer is so much better than American beer, after only 4 or 5 you’re nearly attractive enough to cancel out your personality.

Perhaps you would like to taste my sauerkraut?

Choke on a Danish bitch.