A guy's chances of getting laid at a bar: 0*

I'm not sure where the myth came about that a bar is a great place to pick up chicks. You watch any medical drama or Lifetime special, and you get the impression that a bar consists of maybe 10 people, 6 of whom are beautiful women sitting by themselves looking bereaved. So being the type of guy I am, I have endeavored to carry out a mathematical analysis of the chances for a guy at the average bar.

Lets take a sample size of 200 people.

First lets assume that 60%, or 120 of these people are in some sort of relationship. This relies on observations in Weingarten, and may be a high estimate for the U.S., but there's more chastity girls in America, so it cancels out.

out of the remaining 40%, almost every guy goes out to a bar, while a far greater percentage of girls either don't drink, or stay at home wishing people loved them. I've never been to a bar or club with more girls than guys, so I think we can safely assume that for those 40 guys, only 25 girls will show up.

Out of those 25 girls, about half will be inaccessible, in "feminine clusters", unapproachable by even the most courageous male.

of the 12 girls left, only half would be willing to sleep with a guy on that given night, even if the right one comes along.

so basically we have about 40 guys competing for 6 girls. Sounds rough, but wait it gets worse...

naturally not everyone willing to get laid will get laid, one of the more depressing facts of life

so, lets just say for fuck's sake that of the 6 available girls, 3 will get laid

now for some reason or another, there's a 5% of the male population that can get laid whenever they want with whoever they want, yes, we all hate their guts

so in this population that will be two guys who will sleep with two of the remaining three girls

so your chances are basically being one of the 40 guys competing for the one remaining girl. she will NOT be sitting by herself at the bar. and you will go home horny and resentful.

about the only thing more unlikely than getting laid at a bar is getting laid if you're the kind of guy who writes mathematical analysis of sex

*experimental evidence suggests that the logic above may be faulty, although technically speaking I didn't fuck her in the bar